My Love
by TulipsAndDaisies
Summary: Suddenly he was there. Bloody face. Flat line on the heart monitor. How could that have happened? How is she supposed to live without having spoken to him in almost 6 years?
1. Prologue

Hi everyone! (:  
So I really did it – this is my very first story and I am quite excited to see how you like it.  
I have to say that I am not a native English speaker and even if I did pretty well in school I know there will be mistakes I make grammar- and spelling-wise. Hope you can forgive me these! :P

As you may know, I don't any of the characters used in this story, as Shonda Rhimes was faster in her conception of Grey's Anatomy than I could ever be! Sadly…

Here goes nothing!

* * *

_You came thoughtfully_

_Loved me faithfully_

_You taught me honor_

_You did it for me_

_Tonight you will sleep for good_

_You will wait for me, my love_

_- Sia (My Love)_

**PROLOGUE**

A flat line. Big green-brown eyes were fixed on this line. A fast beating heart in her own chest while another heart seemed to have stopped. She couldn't hear thing but the long beeping sound, she couldn't feel a thing but the strong and fast beat of her own heart.

Suddenly there were hands on her shoulders.

"April…", a voice said close to her right.

"April!", the voice repeated louder and closer to her ear.

She couldn't tear her gaze away from the still body that lay on the bed her eyes were now fixed upon. There were hands everywhere. Someone was ventilating him when the other one stopped the compressions on his chest. But her eyes wouldn't leave his face. Her feet seemed rooted to the ground. She just couldn't move, couldn't leave him alone. If these were the last minutes of his life… No! She could not think this way. It wouldn't be his last moments on earth – he was too young, hadn't seen enough of the world. She would not let him of the hook like this. There were things they had to resolve, clear the air, stuff like that…

In her mind there always was a smile on his handsome face, always some kind of sparkle in his eyes. A light in him she could not nearly describe even if she tried to. To think of him again… To see him again… Overwhelming.

Never in a million years had she thought she would have to see him like this. But who would? No one she knew would ever think of a loved one in a situation like this. Situations like these always came suddenly. As a doctor she saw lots of grieving families, lots of tears on a strangers face who didn't think their child would have to go before them. There was this unfathomable feeling in her chest… Only now she could really understand the people walking the halls of this hospital waiting for news concerning their relative or friend.

"April come on!", that was Lexie pulling on her arm, trying to get her out of the room.

The shocked eyes of the red-haired woman met Lexie's sad ones. She knew about their history. Women talked about things like that, especially best friends. But even as her best friend she couldn't get April to budge.

"DOCTOR KEPNER!", a loud voice boomed suddenly. It was Dr. Hunt. April's eyes now fixated on the red-haired man's who looked at her determinedly.

"Get out of here. NOW!", he emphasised the last word so much she startled.

He was her mentor. Owen Hunt was a good mentor. He was a good man and April looked up to him. He just knew so much about Trauma, how to treat patients the right way and she knew that he would really do everything he was capable of to save his life.

One last time she let her eyes wander to the closed ones of the man reclined on the bed. She took a shaky breath, turned around and fled the room.

_Please, please let him be okay!_, she begged silently as her feet carried her along the hallways of Seattle Grace Mercy West.

* * *

That's it for now (; .

I would love for you to leave a review with what you think about this story!

Love

Julia


	2. O N E

Thank you my first reviewers and followers – you literally just made my day! 3

This next chapter kind of just wrote itself because of you.

Again; it's all Shonda Rhimes' doing...

* * *

_You took my hand and added a plan_

_You gave me your heart_

_I asked you to dance with me_

_- Sia (My Love)_

**. O N E**

Her feet seemed to carry her on their own. She didn't even know where to go, her mind was somewhere else. In front of her eyes she still saw his pale face. There was blood splattered to his forehead. Where did it come from? April hadn't even noticed. She was a doctor for god's sake and she didn't even notice if her best friend bled somewhere on his head. Best friend? Is that what she still was to him? They hadn't seen each other in over six years. Her thoughts were a jumbled mess.

Somehow she ended up where she always seemed to find solace. The colourful little windows in the door alone were enough to calm her down a bit. She laid a hand on one of the heavy doors and slowly pushed it open to enter the little quiet chapel. Her eyes settled on the cross over the altar and never left their focus as she slowly made her way to the front pews to sit down in the second row. As a kid she had loved the smell of the incense and the flickering of the lit candles as a soft breeze danced through the church on a hot summer's Sunday. But she wasn't in Moline now and it wasn't hot in here. If there was any breeze, it was a cold one as someone opened the doors again to enter the chapel. Not wanting to disturb another mourning or maybe hopeful soul, she didn't look up.

Closing her eyes, April folded her hands and leaned her back against the backrest. She deeply breathed in and let her thoughts wander…

* * *

"_Wait! Hey, wait up!", she yelled after him and ran as fast as her feet could carry her. He turned around a bit and sent her his trademark smirk. He always did this thing with his eyebrow when he grinned at her like that and it was quite fascinating for April to see how all the female students seemed to be immune to his charm. She on the other hand had no problem to resist him. He was her best friend. _

_As his best friend she had certain privileges she benefited from every now and then. And today she chose to use him as her chauffeur; with a heavy thud she landed on his back as she tried to wrap her legs around his body after she had hopped up to take a piggyback-ride. A squealing laugh escaped her as he gripped her thighs and began to run to the entrance of the school. _

_"You should know by now what it entails to use me like this.", he said laughing himself as he let his best friend down to the ground again directly in front of the entrance. _

_There were people giving them certain looks and whispering things as they looked at the odd pair. April was used to it by now. There were always people envying her for her close relationship with her best friend. Many of their fellow students imputed a relationship closer than the one between best friends to the both of them but April could only laugh about these assumptions. They had no idea what there was between them and she couldn't care less what they had to say. April knew she wasn't the most popular girl in school. She was kind of a nerd. After all she aspired to be a surgeon one day and she knew she had to keep her grades up to reach that goal. _

_Her best friend on the other hand had the reputation of a player. He was one of the best basketball players on the team and there were rumours that he took a different girl home every other night. But again, April couldn't care less. She knew who he really was and what he really did in his free time because they spent enough time together after all._

"_Jeez, you're heavy.", he joked as he bumped his shoulder into hers, earning himself a disbelieving look. _

"_You really know how to flatter a girl, don't you?", she responded good-naturedly because she knew he was only joking. That was the kind of relationship they had. They joked, laughed and cried together – they were best friends. Or that was what she always thought they were…_

* * *

Someone had just put their arm around her shoulder which startled her shortly and made her look up to her left. It merely took what seemed like a second and the tears started. Only now did she realise what had happened not even an hour ago and she was happy to have a shoulder to cry on, happy to have someone there with her.

"Shhh… It's okay.", he said soothingly as he gently stroked her arm.

April's head dropped to his shoulder and she let it all out. There was no talking for a long time, no sound but her crying and sobbing. He knew that was all she needed right now.

Even if he couldn't understand the reason for her behaviour, he knew he just had to be there for her. He wanted to be there for her. Always.

Lexie had found him after he finished his first surgery of the day. Just as he was pulling off his surgical cap Lexie burst into the room with this sad look on her face. When they were still together, he had always thought she had telltale eyes. Immediately, he knew something was wrong.

"What is it?", he asked expectantly looking at her while disposing of the towel he used to dry his hands with.

"Is it April?", was his second question because it was his first and foremost fear. When something had happened to her…

"Yeah, kind of…", Lexie murmured and watched him storm through the door towards the emergency room. "I saw her walking to the chapel!", she called after him and saw him change direction before she made her way back to take care of her own patients.

He knew something was wrong. He didn't know what it was but after he had heard Lexie tell him that she was in the chapel, he knew she wasn't hurt physically. A breath of relief escaped him after he looked through the little multicoloured window in the door and spotted her in one of the pews. Silently he entered the to him eerily quiet room and made his way over to where she sat. April didn't seem to notice him as she had her eyes closed and a small smile on her lips. But she wasn't happy. He could see the trail of tears on her normally so beautifully rosy-coloured cheeks. Carefully he put his arm around her shoulders and felt her head drop to his shoulder.

After what seemed like forever she looked up at him. He had given her the time she needed – one of the things she loved most about him.

"Jackson…", she mumbled shakily and looked into his beautiful sea-coloured eyes.

"I'm here.", he replied quietly and pressed his lips to her forehead. "If you want to talk. Or just sit…", he went on and laid his head upon hers for another moment of silence. When she was ready she would talk, he knew that.

"It… it's Brad.", she began after a while. Her voice was still shaky and her eyes were once again fixed upon the cross above the altar. "Yo-You don't know him but… He – He is… was my best friend.", she talked quietly while Jackson soothingly caressed her right arm. It was his time to listen now. She was talking about her past, a past with a different man. A man he knew nothing of but the fact that he seemed to be his precursor regarding his status as her best friend. Jackson knew that she was friends with men before but he couldn't help but be a little jealous that she had had a male best friend before. After all they had started their relationship as best friends as well.

"What happened?", he asked as he turned to look at her again. Did this Brad-guy do something to her?

"He was admitted to the ER.", she said, her voice sounding unbelievably sad. "He coded in the ambulance and when I saw his face… I… I can't go back there only to see he didn't make it.", the red-haired woman said while looking into his eyes. He could see her broken heart through her eyes. He had always thought Lexie had these depths in her eyes but when he had started taking a closer look at April in the past, he knew that there was no one out there with more honesty and profoundness in their eyes than April Kepner.

Jackson took a deep breath, relieved that it wasn't her physically harmed but at the same time he could feel her hurting to his bones. He loved this woman and he would do anything to make her feel better. She couldn't stress herself out like this. It was neither good for her nor for the baby.

"Shh…", he repeated when a fresh set of tears fell down her cheeks. "You have to calm down, hon'", he said and put his arms around her to pull her to his chest.

Just this morning he had again thought that nothing could bring him down after his girlfriend had told him they were expecting only a week ago. They weren't far along but the baby was there nonetheless. And he couldn't have been happier when she had told him.

But now? Now he could see how hurt she was and that life always seemed to have something negative in store for them just when they had found a reason to be happy.

April swallowed and nodded her head. "You are right… I know.", she said and leaned back a bit to wipe at her face. A deep sigh escaped her as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back into her neck. Jackson put his hand up to stroke her face as he looked at her empathetically. "I just… He and I were best friends and now he is here and…", she couldn't stop the tears from flowing, "I left… I left him and he-he's here now. I hav-haven't spoken to him in six years, Jackson.", she hiccupped and suddenly looked at him frantically. "He-He's HERE!", she said louder. "He's in my hos-hospital. I have to…", she began to stand up but Jackson pulled her back down.

They had been best friends once. Before she went and left him because she couldn't manage to accept what he had said to her. In her eyes he had lied to her and she couldn't get over that. So she went and didn't look back. She left him and never tried to contact him. All his calls went unanswered because she was simply insecure what to do with his confession.

"April, calm down.", he was fiercer now. There was this guy, his girlfriend's former best friend, and she seemed pretty broken about this guy. But there was a chance that this man wasn't even alive anymore. Jackson tried to reason with himself, now was not the time to be jealous. He took a deep breath and cupped her cheeks with both of his big hands. "I am going to look for him, okay?", he said calmly and stroked her cheeks with his thumps, trying to wipe away the rest of her tears. "You can sit here… Or come with me… But I won't let you go there by yourself right now.", he went on without breaking eye contact. "I love you, April. You…", he out one of his hands on her still flat belly, "You are the love of my life and I won't let you go through this alone." He kissed her forehead once more before he stood up and held his hand out for her to take.

* * *

Again I would love to hear from you guys. If you have any great ideas what I could include in this story, I would really like to hear them and consider them for my story if they fit in.

Love

Julia


	3. T W O

Thank you all so much for your reviews. I didn't expect a single one and now I have even more than one! I am sooo happy! (:

As you may have realized by now, Lexie and Mark are alive and happy (because I love that pairing nearly as much as JAPRIL ;) )

All the magic happened in Shondaland…

...

* * *

_..._

_Tonight you will sleep for good_

_You will wait for me, my love_

_- Sia (My Love)_

**. T W O**

He looked so fragile. His pale face, all the tubes… This was not how April remembered him. To her, he was this big goofy guy with a great smile on his face, dark hair and mischievous brown eyes. With her fingers pressed against the glass of the sliding doors leading into his room in the ICU, she drew in a shaky breath. Jackson stood beside her, one if his hands rested on the small of her back. Instead of watching the stranger in the bed in front of him, he was watching his girlfriend beside him. Just like the heaven outside of the walls of this hospital, his girl could not seem to stop her tears. Even if she wasn't outright sobbing anymore, there were still the traitorous trails on her cheeks. Maybe it was the hormones that made her cry this much, but Jackson knew that April was an emotional woman before that. When a woman like April heard a sad story she would cry out of sympathy and empathy. That made her a great human being and an even better doctor. At least Jackson always thought so.

"Wanna go in?", he asked her with a small frown on his handsome face. April didn't look good. She was paler than usual and there were already dark circles forming under her eyes. The young surgeon knew that she didn't sleep well the past few days because just a few days ago the morning sickness had kicked in full force. She couldn't keep down much and to Jackson it was showing now more than ever that he needed to watch over her, care for her and his baby. They were both doctors who knew a lot about the human body and the special needs of pregnant women, but sometimes April didn't act like one. She looked up at him with a frail smile.

"Yeah…", she answered his question timidly.

"I just… I think I should go in alone.", she continued and turned to Jackson. She looked up at her boyfriend and couldn't help but lean in and kiss him softly once, twice.

"I'm… I'm sorry. I'll explain later, okay?", she murmured and swiftly pushed past him into the room before he could say something, closing the sliding door behind her.

April knew that this must have been confusing for him. He was her Jackson, her best friend, her boyfriend. He wanted what was best for her and April loved him with all of her heart. After what had happened in San Francisco before their boards there was so much chaos, so many unspoken words. Both of them had hated the situation after they had broken up their not really existent relationship after the pregnancy scare. Luckily, Jackson had come to his senses after April had confessed her feelings for him after he nearly blew up with the yellow school bus right before her eyes. Nearly a year had come and gone between that incident and now but Jackson remembered her fierce attitude towards him like it happened not even an hour ago. He would never forget that night. Never forget how his life literally changed in an instant because of one decision he made.

...

* * *

...

"_Can you hold it right there for me?", Callie said after positioning his arm in front of his chest. He wouldn't lie; it hurt like hell. But he was a man and he just saved a little girl's life so he bit his teeth together and just watched the orthopaedic surgeon do her job._

_She was just about to bandage him up when April came storming in, a fierce look on her face. She looked absolutely furious. "YOU!", she yelled at him, going straight at him and hitting him in the chest with both of her hands. "Ow!", he complained and nearly fell back on the gurney. "YOU! YOU COULD HAVE DIED!", she sobbed and hit him again. "April don't. Stop!", he replied looking at her uncomprehendingly._

_"Kepner!", Callie gripped her arms._

"_YOU COULD HAVE DIED!", April repeated again, sobbing, yelling._

"_Kepner what is your problem?", Callie was furious. The little red-head just came in and attacked her patient. "Hey!", she tried to get April's attention. "Kepner, take a walk!", Callie ordered while showing her colleague the way out. "Take a walk!", she repeated herself after seeing that April was just looking at Avery, breathing heavily. Jackson looked back at his former best friend bewilderedly. What the hell just happened?_

_April turned around and ran from the scene, completely ignoring her fiancé of one day who stood right outside the curtains._

_..._

* * *

...

Now it was Jackson who stood with his forehead pressed against the cool glass of the sliding door, watching his girlfriend sitting down next to another man. He took a deep breath and turned around. It seemed she had to do this on her own.

Behind the nurses' station sat Lexie, looking at him with a sad smile. A welcomed distraction Jackson took without question. Once there was more between the two of them but neither him nor her could remember what it really was. Probably just physical attraction. When the blue-eyed surgeon looked at her now, he saw a very a good friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

"Oh my god.", April whispered after she entered the room. With a hand covering her mouth she tried to hold back the sobs trying to escape her but it was no use. Behind the window it was hard enough to look at him but with the compatible sounds to all the machines working, it was so much worse. With one more step she was next to him and sat down in the chair beside his bed.

"Hi Brad.", a quiet greeting.

"I know we haven't talked in a long time but…", she wiped at her tears, "But I missed you."

There it was, a confession.

"God, I missed you.", she sighed before taking his heavy hand between hers on the bed. His fingers were warm but not the same healthy colour she remembered them to be. Softly her thump stroked over the back of his hand.

"I don't even know why I did what I did anymore… It seems so stupid now." Her soft murmurings seemed to echo in the room, which was only occupied by his still body and the too loud machines.

Never before did the feel so helpless. Okay, there was one situation that was even worse because she had thought she had lost the love of her life, but right now there was nothing worse than the feeling of powerlessness inside of her. She was a doctor and couldn't do a thing to help him. Her chest felt like someone was stomping on it. A heavy feeling lay on her heart as she remembered her confession to Jackson after he almost died that night. Why did her best friends always had to come so close to death before she could open up and be honest with them?

...

* * *

...

"_Don't.", he said as he watched the red-haired woman enter through the curtains again. "Whatever it is that's bugging you, just keep it to yourself, alright?!" He really wasn't in the mood to be hit by her again. There was enough of physical and especially emotional pain for one night._

_She entered nonetheless and with a broken look and soaking wet clothes she looked at him. When she didn't say anything for a long moment his look turned annoyed but expectant at the same time. What did she want from him? Why did she look the way she did? So… so drained and nervous?_

_April was anxious. She wanted to say it but she was afraid to get hurt. The situation a few hours ago had shown her that she couldn't just let go of him like that._

"_I want you…", she said after taking a deep breath, unsure of herself. She looked to the window and then back to him. "Jackson…", she breathed. It felt good to have said that. To get it out in the open. "I want YOU.", she repeated herself, now more clearly for him to hear. She ran a hand through her hair, nervously searching for the right things to say. It felt good on the one hand, on the other hand she felt stupid to have waited so long. She had to laugh at herself for doing this right now._

_Confused Jackson shook his head lightly. "April…", he tried to interrupt her but she went right on._

"_I haven't been fair to you, I know…", the red-head took a step towards him lying in the bed, wildly gesturing with her hands in front of her._

"_And I've… I've really hurt you…"_

"_And you're getting married.", Jackson had to say it. Even if it hurt like hell, certainly a lot more than all his injuries combined, he had to get that out. She had just accepted a proposal from her paramedic that same morning. What was she doing?_

"_When that bus exploded… And…", she went on as if she didn't even hear what Jackson had just said. "And I thought you were gone and…", the tears were back, she couldn't stop them. She couldn't stop herself, she just had to be honest with him. There was no time like right now. April had to take a pause, swallow the sob._

"_You're getting married.", the man lying in front of her repeated using her pause in speech, pronouncing every word. That made April stop in her thinking what to say next and look up at him. It was clear as day to her now._

"_Unless you can give me a reason not to.", she said honestly, watching with her big, watery eyes as he swallowed himself, blinking repeatedly._

_..._

* * *

...

"Who is that?", Lexie asked him curiously as Jackson sat down in one of the chairs next to her. She had just come to see what had happened to the guy in the emergency room and why April was so out of it because of him.

He took a deep breath. "Seems like that is Brad or something like that… Former best friend.", he said sighing before putting his hands behind his head and leaning back into the backrest. There was so much he didn't know about his girlfriend it seemed…

"THAT is Brad?", the dark-haired doctor couldn't help herself. Promptly her hands flew to her mouth and she looked at the man next to her wide-eyed. Jackson sat right back up. Now she had his full attention.

"You know him?", now it was him being curious. "How do YOU know him?"

Lexie sighed. "Jackson, we're women. Women talk."

"But I'm her best friend!", he felt betrayed. Maybe it was childish but it wasn't fair… Why had April talked to Lexie about this Brad but not to him? And more importantly when?

"You are her MALE best friend, Jackie.", Lexie said and witnessed Jackson's expression going from hurt to bewildered.

"What do you mean, 'male best friend'? Why wouldn't she talk to me about him? Is he… Is he an ex-BOYfriend?", there was an edge to his tone as he leaned up on his elbows to look over the counter into the room Bradley Parker was situated in.

There she was, his girlfriend. April was still holding onto Brad's hand, gently speaking to him. From Jackson's point of view it seemed like she was telling him about the baby because she saw that one of her hands lay on her belly and she was smiling softly at Brad. He turned to Lexie and saw her eyes widen at April's gestures. Was her best friend doing what she thought she was doing? The dark-haired woman looked to the man next to her.

"Wha… Is…", she was at a loss for words.

Jackson just smiled proudly. "Yeah, she is."

He knew what Lexie was trying to say. She unexpectedly threw her arms around him. "Oh my god! Congratulations!", she smiled at him and then looked back at April. "Wow…", she murmured quietly. What was this feeling inside of her? Was she jealous of her best friends? She really needed to talk to Mark.

"Thanks Lex.", Jackson said smiling widely at her. He was really excited to be a father. Somehow his view on the topic changed as soon as April had told him she suspected being pregnant the first time what seemed like ages ago now. From that moment on there was no other woman in his mind he wanted to have children with. He could just imagine a little girl with April's curls and cute little smile with dimples and all… On the other hand he knew there was still some time to go and with their luck there could arise one hell of a problem when they were least expecting it that would change it all. So no, he couldn't be too excited to only be disappointed in the end.

Nonetheless, he didn't forget what Lexie had just told him. She knew about this Brad when he hadn't ever heard the name before.

"Did they have a thing back then?", he asked, right back on topic while his gaze was still fixed upon his beautiful girlfriend. He was a guy, he had to know. Even if it was out of question that it was him to share her first time with her, it still bothered him that there was a chance that this Brad-character had touched her. In any way…

Meanwhile April still sat by Brad's side. She had told him all about the baby she was pregnant with because once she started on that subject there was no holding her back. And it made her happy. Even with her former best friend lain there, she could be happy that there was a life growing inside of her right now. She just couldn't not be happy about that. No matter the circumstances.

The young red-haired doctor looked at his heart monitor, feeling relieved that his heart seemed to be working steadily. The slow beep, beep, beep equalled the stable thump, thump, thump of his heart in her mind. When she didn't know what to say to him for a short period of time, she stood up and took his chart from the bedside table. Her sad eyes scanned all that was written in there. Her mouth dropped open in shock. April knew it all. She knew what the words meant and that his outlook wasn't the best after what he went through, but she still couldn't believe that she didn't know. How could he not tell her? Why did she have to find out like this, from a piece of paper, that one of the people who knew most about her was terminally ill? One of her hands flew to her mouth. She felt nauseated. For a moment she looked at Brad. He was ill. Really ill. And there was a good chance that she would never be able to speak to him again while he was able to answer. And now she felt really queasy. The chart dropped from her hand. It fell back on the table while April flew the room in the ICU. There was till the sound of the heart monitor as she ran to the nearest women's restroom and threw up.

...

* * *

...

...

Again, thank you so much for reading.

Love

Julia


End file.
